Da primo giorno all'ultimo giorno
by Stars2008
Summary: Story about when Kate first joins the Hammersley, what she has left behind and what life brings to her at the end, It shall end up being a M/K fic :D...enjoy
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This fic is dedicated to Sarah, thanks for her help and for the beta, your the best

Well this isn't really a M/K at the moment but in following chapters it shall be ;D

I really hope you enjoy this story! Please leave a comment even if it is con crit.

I'm sorry in advance if any of the dialogue from episode 101 is wrong. Text in _Italics _is dialogue belonging to episode 101 Sea Patrol. 'Welcome aboard' written by Tony Morphett and Directed by Chris Martin-Jones.

_2011_

The past nine years have been long and hard; four of those years I have spent on the Hammersley; which made things even more difficult. The hardest and worst day was February 14th 2002; they day my daughter died. She was 2 months old. I had named her Grace; after her father's mother. Grace had never met her father; he left when he found out I was pregnant.

It was my first day of being on a patrol boat; her name is the Hammersley. I had just arrived; knowing nothing about her or who her crew were. I could see all the crew mustered on deck; I guessed they were all waiting for me. I walked on the boat and looked up; there standing in front of me was a man I thought I would never see again. My heart skipped a beat, one part of me felt like running off the Hammersley and never setting foot in Cairns again but the other half of me wanted to stay here and be close to him.

The introductions were over and we were heading after an illegal fishing vessel. I was taken to my cabin that I shared with Lieutenant Nikki Caetano; I remember her face from somewhere but just can't think where. It clicked, where she knew the navigator from; she was the hell raising little sexpot from ADFA.

"_What is that foul smell?" I asked._

"_Trochus shell ma'am," replied Buffer._

"_They rot out the fish to get out the shell," Buffer explained to me._

We boarded the FFV; my first boarding on a patrol boat, I was nervous and happy at the same time it was a whole new experience for me. I was the first to board, the smell got to me; I threw up my lunch over the side of the boat. There was a full load on board and we had to discard it all, what a waste! Two of our sailors stayed on board and the Hammersley as we towed it back to port.

The next morning we received a signal from NAVCOM informing us of a medical emergency on Bright Island. We were to brake off towing the FFV, which would now follow us on their own steam. When we arrived at Bright Island two search teams were picked, going both ways along the beach looking for the injured marine biologist. She was doing marine research, so we assumed she would be camped on the beach. When we found Lisa she couldn't move her limbs and was having trouble breathing so Swain had to perform a tracheotomy; a procedure he had never done before. We have to cut her throat open and insert a tube, but the only tube available is the nine millimetre barrel out of her gun. It was successful and we got Lisa to breathe a lot better, we now had to transport her to the Hammersley and back to base.

We couldn't get Lisa to the hospital until we found ET and Jaffah who we left behind on the FFV. ET and Jaffah were found just when Lisa stopped breathing; she had no pulse. Swain and I had to do CPR. Unfortunately she didn't make it.

Arriving into port; as soon as the Hammersley was docked Mike and I headed to the hospital. Waiting for Lisa Holmes' employer to come was spent thinking about the man that was standing next to me. To me Dr. Morrell looked more scared about whether or not Lisa had said anything; I knew from that point on there was something wrong going on behind a lot of people's backs. But when she 'pretended' to faint I knew she was trying to hit on him, it would have been obvious to any female in the world, because men don't look at those sort of things. All they think about is sex!

On the way back to the ship I was trying to make conversation with the captain, but it didn't go to plan too well. It started off fine with me asking, _"What do you make of all that?"_

"_I really feel for her," he replied to me._

"_Do you?" and this is where the plan went downhill._

"_She made a command decision that went very bad."_

"_Yes..."_

"_Lost a team member as a result, that's the sort of thing that could happen to us," he replied looking at me._

"_You didn't think that….Sir, she is a very striking woman and I wouldn't blame you if you were a little smitten with her but," I stuttered at first but towards the end I couldn't help but grin._

"_Excuse me."_

"_The moment she leant against your chest for support you didn't find that to be a little calculating," I replied; that was the exact moment were we stopped, he looked me in the eyes._

"_No," he said shaking his head._

"_No, got to be another woman to see it I guess, and she really wanted to make sure that doctor Holmes hadn't said anything."_

"_I think we will leave it there don't you?"_

"_Sure."_

He talked to me about the 'other thing'. That hurt me when he called it 'other thing' we had a child for Heaven's sake! I suppose that's why he called it 'other thing' because he didn't want to speak of the human being that we made through love. I understand why he is calling it other thing now, he doesn't want to have to explain to me why he left and make me raise a child on my own!

I made my way down to the cabin I shared with the Navigator; I couldn't face him now, not after what he just said to me.

Argh!! I don't want to see that flirtatious, arrogant woman touch him ever again, no scratch that, I don't want to see her ever again!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: As said in my previous chapter this fic is dedicated to Sarah, thanks for her help and for the beta, you're the best.

I really hope you enjoy this story! Please leave a comment even if it is con crit.

I'm sorry in advance if any of the dialogue from episode 104 is wrong. Text in _Italics _is dialogue belonging to episode 104 Sea Patrol, it is also used as Kate's thoughts. 'Irukandji' written by Jeff Truman and Directed by Chris Martin-Jones.

~*~*

Working on the Hammersley these past four years has been hard. It has been torture to see him every day and not be able to cuddle up to him like we used to. His daughter had the same eyes and hair and he reminded me of her every moment I was with him. I still haven't had the courage to tell him that our daughter died and that I didn't abort or adopt her out.

~*~*

I had been at sea for two months on a patrol boat; my first ever time. Hammersley hadn't been tasked to do anything, so most of the crew were on the nearest beach we could find playing touch; that's all I knew as I was stuck back on the boat doing watch. That was when we had received the MAYDAY call from the Black Magic; the guy on the other end was saying they were under attack by heavily armed hostiles. Everyone on the beach hurried back quickly. I kept trying to contact the Black Magic but I wasn't having too much success.

I had just seen an emergency flare through the windows of the bridge. We were going as fast as we could.

"_There is someone alive over there Nav, get us there as quick as you can."_

"_Yes sir, revolutions 880," said Nav_

"_Revolutions 880," repeated Swain_

That's when things got hectic on the Hammersley. We came along side Black Magic, an offshore sport fishing boat. The CO and I asked the crew from Black Magic a few questions; it seemed they were intoxicated. As my CO put it so kindly _'They are high on life.'_

The men aboard Black Magic told us that there were six or seven people on the other vessel and were armed to their ugly back teeth. We approached the 'pirates'who were in an old fishing boat. From our vantage point on the Bridge we weren't too sure if these men were even 'pirates';they were barely moving and sitting low in the water. I called Hands to boarding stations. The boarding party jumped aboard the 'pirates' boat and discovered that the deck was unstable.

Buffer gave them a hello, and we went below deck. We found the 'pirates'in the foreign hole and realised that they weren't 'pirates' but illegal immigrants coming to Australia in search of a better life. The boarding party didn't understand a word they were saying. The older lady had an injury on her arm, I instructed Chefo to have a look but he got a bucket full of waste water in his face. I sent him up on deck; and began moving these people to the Hammersley, with their boat put under tow.

Up on deck, Buffer was trying to help Swain in his attempt to check over the older lady's injured arm. The older lady had just allowed Swain to check her arm when Chefo collapsed in pain clutching his right arm. Swain and Buffer ran to his aide and quickly carried him below to the ward room. They had only just carried Chefo out when Jaffah collapsed to the ground clutching his left arm; the CO and Spider quickly carried him to his bunk. I was left in charge of Jaffah as his condition wasn't as bad as Chefo's. They were both given morphine as it was the only thing that could handle pain like this.

Spider returned to me with ice packs and informed me that the CO had said they were stung by an irukandji jelly fish. I was even more concerned now; those Jelly fish can kill people! _I don't want another death, not after the last one!_ I could tell Spider was concerned about his friend; all he did was look at the floor. I had to get back up to the bridge so I had left Spider in charge of Jaffah, I wasn't sure I trusted him but I had to. _Did he just call me sir?!_ But I decided to let it go, this time only!

I came up onto the bridge just as Nav was walking out. The CO had to talk a few things through with me about the boarding. A few minutes late Nav walked back in with Charge; who refused to look at the CO, which the CO didn't approve of. He turned around and faced us all. I could tell he was stung by the irukandji as well although it didn't affect him as much. His excuse was running his eye with the back of his glove; but there was something about it that made me know he was lying.

We got a call from NAVCOM, there was no helicopter coming; the nearest helicopter with medivac facilities was three hours out of town. The CO wasn't too pleased about this and neither was I! These men could die without urgent help! I felt sorry for the CO and Swain. All they could give us was a doctor on the line from the Cairns hospital. _That isn't going to help so much isn't it?!_ I was told to cast off towing the vessel; we had to sprint to base now.

The crew had assembled on the bridge and were just informed that Chefo had almost died but that he is stable at the moment.

'_Put in a call to NAVCOM regarding the crew of Black Magic, tell them I am recommending an investigation by the relevant authority for the assault of one of our passengers,' said the CO._

I was told that I had to find someone that would do galley duty, I knew just the person; now just to find him. Before I continued on doing what the CO told me I contacted NAVCOM. Buffer rushed up onto the bridge; informing us the little refugee girl had gone missing, the CO told him to search the boat top to bottom and to use all available crew. The ship changed course to begin scouring the water for any signs of the girl

I eventually saw the one person I was looking for since the CO asked me to find someone for galley duty. He wasn't too impressed with me but I just had to grin. While RO was on galley duty he found the little girl hiding inside one of the cupboards.

Once again we changed course but this time we were heading for port, hoping to get back in time to save the lives of our injured crew members.

Once we had located the missing girl Spider went to check on Jaffah, but when he got there Jaffah wasn't alive.

_Not another death!_ _That makes three deaths I've known about; two on the Hammersley; the other my daughter. I sighed. Why is this happening? I swear if I keep bottling it up I am going to explode! There is no one to talk about it with and I don't want to go and see a shrink. My only hope now is that Chefo will survive until we get back to port. _

Arriving in port; Jaffah's body was walked out under the Australian flags by Swain and Spider while the rest of the crew formed a guard of honour for our fallen sailor.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: As always this fic is dedicated to Sarah for all her help and Beta-ing she does, it is also dedicated to Geraldine for the great feedback she gave me through-out this fic, thanks again girls ;D**

**This is the start of the M/K moments. I hope you will enjoy this chapter, please leave a comment even if it is con crit.**

**There is only is only a little bit of the dialogue from episode 107, sorry of any of it is wrong. Text in **_**Italics**_** is dialogue belonging to episode 107 of Sea Patrol, it is also used as Kate's thoughts. 'Rescue Me' written by John Ridley and directed by Geoff Bennett.**

~*~*~*~

It feels like years ago when the Hammersley first met the evil and most predictable Clair Watts. It was a perfect day; well as perfect you can get when you are on the ocean. RO came up through the hole and told us that the boat was registered to a Mr C. Watts and his sloop Clair de Lune and was attempting to solo-navigate Australia. We were having problems trying to contact this vessel. I went up onto the upper deck to see if I could see anything in the water.

"_Anything Buff?" the CO asked._

"_Nothing sir, horizon's clear, no sign of….wait I have a visual at red five far," the buffer replied._

"_Still no response on the VHF boss," I said after trying to contact him once again._

"_That's because he isn't in his boat," replied the CO._

"_Hands to FAIDEX stations."_

The FAIDEX party included Buffer, Chefo, ET and myself, and we were all in the RHIB heading towards Mr C. Watts' life raft. The boys were being, well, themselves! ET and Chefo were having a delightful conversation about this man, Buffer kindly joined in. Their conversation changed, no actually it stopped, all three of their mouths dropped; I swear they dropped to the ground and the men stood up. Chefo's life jacket inflated, I think for once I actually saw him blush! Now that's a sight I will never see again.

~*~*~*~

I entered the ward room to return the folder that I had just finished with. I stood in between ET and Swain and heard Clair talking about the pirates that were boarding her boat, _pfft, there are no pirates in these waters!_ Knowing the guys, they would agree with her reply of "guys in masks, armed with automatic weapons, brandishing machetes. I would call them pirates." Or, were they only agreeing with her because they wanted her in their pants? Sigh. Why are all men against me?

After being kicked out of the ward room I made my way to the bridge. The CO was on the SAT phone to NAVCOM, so I walked over to stand next to Nav. We chatted about this Clair Watts person. I highly doubted her story of pirates. Nav found a stationary contact on the radar, so we set course for it, hoping that we could give Clair some good news.

Heading over to Clair's yacht that we just happened to find, coincidence? Yes? I decided to start a conversation in the RHIB so that ET would stop looking at that woman!

"_Nice yacht," I said._

"_Very nice…ma'am," said Buffer._

"_48-foot Halvorsen Freya, she has beautiful lines," Clair replied._

"_Yeah," ET said not taking his eyes off Clair; he certainly has a thing for most women doesn't he?_

We boarded the vessel, checked her from stem to stern. For some strange reason ET was her shadow the whole time we were aboard. I was looking through her draws when I came across a hand gun, it was all clear; she made up a story about the hand gun, but I suppose we all believed her too?

Back on board the Hammersley it was morning watch, RO had just picked up a MAYDAY but the transmission was cut short. Nav had found two stationary contacts on the radar. Arriving at the launch between these two boats, we saw three armed men leaving the launch in the speed boat. The speed boat started firing onto us; thankfully Chefo was covering us. Proceeding to board we found three personnel on board, the hostiles had stolen money, Mr Philips' Rolex and their GPS. We kept telling them that the main thing was that none of them were hurt and are still alive. We left the men to make their own way home.

_Entering the bridge the CO started talking to me, he was making it sound like all the heists were connected; the hijack in the Arafura Sea, the attack on Clair Watts and now this. I didn't agree with anything at all that he was saying, but then again do I ever agree with everything the CO says?_

It's almost time for lunch and we receive yet another distress signal; my guess is that it's Clair Watts. If it is I don't know what I will do, push her off the boat, maybe or just put up with the annoyance of the girl who is crying wolf? Or maybe I could just jump off the boat to get away from everything that has happened in my life! But I guess if I jumped off and no one noticed Mike would never know what happened to my child, our child.

We found Clair's boat once again, oh what a surprise! The crew were all waving goodbye to her, it seemed that everyone but Nav and I had taken a liking to her especially, ET. Being the stronger woman as I waved goodbye I decided to say what was on my mind_**.**__ 'Crash into a reef.' _At last I said what was on my mind, but thinking it over if she crashes into a reef we will be the ones saving her. What surprised me though was what Nav had said after me. _'Get eaten by a shark.'_ Now that would be an excellent outcome, and everybody would be happy, well except for ET maybe. I looked up at the CO and all I saw was him looking down at me with a glare, what did I do wrong?

After saving Clair Watts again, she pulled a gun out and almost shot ET but we found out later on that it wasn't even loaded! When we had finally returned to base, we were given two weeks' shore leave. Everyone needed it too. The boys were out of hospital and back to being themselves, drinking at the pub. The crew were all enjoying themselves and were happy to be back with their mates. For once I am actually looking forward to this shore leave, Mike is taking me out to dinner, and he said it's about work but my bet is he just wants a reason to be close to me.

It was the late hours of the night and everyone was heading home. I was a lot more sober then Mike so I offered to take him home except for one problem; I didn't know where he lived, and he wouldn't even tell me, I knew he was pretending to be asleep in the cab, so I was left with no choice but to take him back to my flat. I now had a lot on my mind, hoping that nothing happened tonight to break the non-fraternisation rules I so strictly abide by. The second thing was I had lots of photos of my baby girl hanging up around the place. The third was the fact that there is only one bedroom and one bed in my house, so it looked like we were sharing a bed, something which made my mind go into overdrive.

That all stopped when she stepped inside her flat.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This fic is dedicated to Sarah for all the help she is and for BETA-ing this fic for me and for putting up with all my complaining that I will never finish it ;D, to Geraldine for just being herself and of course helping me through a lot of the parts and for telling me to use first person not third all the time :P (oops) and also to Shan because you're awesome and even if I didn't win the bet I still won 'cause I finished what? 2 and a half hours before you :P **

**Please leave a comment; I enjoy reading them. I don't mind if it is con crit. All of this is Kate's POV.**

Supporting Mike as I entered my flat I turned around to shut the door and next thing I knew I was being pushed against the door; a hand running up my leg and a tongue making its way into my mouth. I knew he was drunk and he would forget any of this happening by the time he woke up in the morning. I felt I was being picked up; I looked down and my feet weren't on the ground. I was scared; I didn't want to get dropped. I hoped Mike wasn't as drunk as I thought; he better not be or I will do something I will regret.

I felt myself being dropped by the person who was holding me. I was dropped onto something comfy; it was my bed! Something next to me had more weight on it than usual. The weight next to me had disappeared until I looked up; our eyes locked. He was on top of me; did I want this to be started all over again?

The next thing I remember after a night in Mike's arms was the bright sun sneaking in through my curtains; my room was slowing being lit up by the morning sun. I climbed out of his arms and put my nightgown back on which had fallen to the floor from the previous night's events. I made my way to my little kitchen to make breakfast. I heard footsteps behind me; a pair of hands wrapping themselves around my waist before being spun around so I was facing him.

"Morning gorgeous," he said, putting a passionate kiss on my lips.

"Morning."

"Come back to bed," he pleaded.

"What about breakfast?"

"I don't care about breakfast as long as I have you in my arms," he winked, before picking me up bridal style and heading back to the bedroom.

~*~*~*~

The day started off with the sun lighting up my bedroom. I looked over to where he was laying beside me last night, but now he was gone and his side of the bed was cold; he must've been gone for a while. Just as I got out of bed the sun hid away and storm clouds came in. The rain started pelting down. I knew that wasn't a good sign of Mike being in my flat. Walking into the kitchen, I stopped at the doorway and looked around for something out of the ordinary. There it was on the kitchen bench right next to the fruit bowl; a piece of paper, who else could it be from except Mike?

I slowly and cautiously walked towards the piece of paper; I wasn't sure on what to expect. It took me two minutes to get to the fruit bowl; it would normally take me two seconds. Two steps in two minutes how does that work? Eventually I got the courage and I picked it up. All it said was he was going home for some clothes, pfft! And what, stay there until shore leave ends?

~*~*~*~

Gliding through the water, it was a calm day no waves or clouds; a perfect day. Well not always perfect because there is nothing to do except paper work; which I somehow didn't get done on shore leave. I don't know how it happened but for once the note was actually correct; we spent shore leave in each other's arms. It's not my fault I didn't get it done, I told him numerous times but he said to leave it and now look what happens! When I could be enjoying myself with everyone else I'm stuck here doing paper work!

The only productive thing I did do on shore leave was last night, when I went through the top shelf of my wardrobe. That's where I keep all of Grace's things; well what I have left of them. I found a letter. The letter that Michael Lesley Flynn left on the kitchen table the night he left me. I don't know why but I brought it on board, was I going to confront him or something? Why is my mind doing this? I need to concentrate on the paperwork not the boss!

The boat stopped. We must be at Bright Island by now, unless Nav didn't plot her course correctly; but she has only done that once and never again has she done that while I have been on this boat. I could hear the tinnie going into the water; I knew Mike must be on the boarding party. I can't believe I actually spent a whole weekend with him when he is going out with Ursula. Argh! I bet she will dance like a princess around him. Why does my mind always go back to him? Why?!

I finished my paperwork two hours after we picked Ursula up. It was dinner time and I was on watch. I was being nice to the guys for once and actually getting them their dinner. I walked into the galley and the two people I really didn't want to see were in front of me! I almost turned around and walked back into the bridge, but then the guys would never let me live it down. Buffer and Swain were very happy with me when I did actually arrive in the bridge with their meals.

It was four am in the morning and after a long day all I wanted to do was go to my rack and sleep. Arriving at my cabin door that I share with the navigator I was about to open the cabin door when I heard the sailor inside sniffing. I knew it must be Nav but she was crying, that was a real surprise to me. I opened the squeaky grey door to find the navigator on the ground clutching something in the hands. It looked like a note. My memory jogged back to this morning.

"Shit," muttered Kate remembering what she had left on her rack that morning. Nikki just sat there on the ground looking up at me like I was some type of alien. I grabbed the letter that was in her hands; I knew who the owner of it was; me! I started to read the letter.

_Dear my dearest Katie, _

_I hate myself at this moment; like anyone should if they forced themselves to write a letter like this to someone they love more than they should. You know how much I love you, don't you? If you think I don't love you at the moment you're completely and utterly wrong! I haven't loved anyone as much as I love you! I know you are going to hate me for leaving you with my unborn child, but I can't be a dad, not yet anyway. I hate that I'm forced to write this… I've accepted the position of a Captain on a patrol boat in Cairns and I think we both know what that means._

A lone tear made its way done my cheek.

_I'm not coming back. I love you and our unborn child so much and I know that you're strong, and perhaps one day we will be a family again. My heart will forever belong to you. You will always and I mean always be in my heart. _

_Yours forever,_

_Mike_

By the time I had read this far I was sitting on the floor next to Nav.

_P.S When you read this I will be almost in Cairns. _

_I love you and forever will!_

_Good luck with the future and your love of frigates. _

_P.P.S enclosed in this letter is the locket you always wanted._

I still can't believe him for leaving me. Tomorrow he is going to find out the truth of our child.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This is dedicated to Sarah, thanks for all your input and reminding me that this is set in 2011 and for beta-ing it for me :P, to Geraldine for answering all my questions and putting up with my endless bickering ;D and to Shan for all your help! I wouldn't have been able to post this without you guys.**

**Well here's the next part, con crit is very welcome too.**

~*~*~

We were just sitting there; on the floor of our cabin. I held the letter in my hands; with tears running down my face. Nikki was just sitting there looking at the ground; she looked so lifeless and the floor looked so clean! There were no clothes or shoes anywhere.

"Kate?" Nikki finally said.

"Yeah," I replied; not knowing what else to say.

"Why doesn't anyone know about your child?" Nikki asked; her breath hitched. She pondered whether she was asking the right question or whether Kate was going to get very angry all of a sudden.

Water started filling my eyes, and then I felt it dripping down my checks. "S…sh…she's…n…not …with…us…an…anymore," I cried.

"I'm so sorry," Nikki said, after being friends with Kate for so long now, she was just opening up to her even though they are best friends, even if Nikki deep down knew how she felt. "Do you want to talk about it?

"Not tonight, I just want some sleep," I said; yawning.

Taking off her boots and unbuttoning her overalls; Kate tied the arms together behind her and fell onto her rack falling asleep instantly, it took Nikki a little longer. She was just laying there looking at the ceiling of the cabin which she shared with Kate. Finally falling asleep; with dawn rising above her, it was just a few hours later when the person below her awoke her from all the tossing and turning and the yelling out of names that Nikki had never heard of before. It was the start of a nightmare for Kate.

~*~*~

The light was now flooding into the cabin of two officers. Waking up; I looked down her rack to the bottom where I found all my discarded sheets. _No wonder I was so cold._

Stepping down from my rack I took one step in front of myself and grabbed the item I was looking for, returned to my rack and opened the object. It lit the room up a little more then what it already was. Opening my emails, I had one from a man named James McGregor. The subject said 'long lost sister.' Intrigued, I opened the email.

_Kaitlin McGregor,_

_I am James McGregor; I live in England and have been looking for a Kaitlin Elizabeth McGregor who was born in Kent in 1979. She is the daughter of Thomas Ewan McGregor and Zoe Abigail McGregor. From what I have heard, her mother took her out to Australia when she was 9, that was 23 years ago in 1988. If you are this person please reply to this message._

_James McGregor._

I leaned back, my head resting on the wall of our cabin. I had thoughts going in every direction in my head. Then everything suddenly stopped, and a knock on the door resonated throughout our cabin. I closed the laptop and put it back in its place, then I buttoned up my overalls, as voice called out from the other side of the door.

"Ma'am, are you in there?" asked the voice.

"Yes?" I asked as I walked into the corridor.

"Can we talk to you X?" asked Swain; the Buffer standing behind him.

"Yeah sure, what's up?" I asked them as we made our way up onto deck.

"Well we can't take this to the CO as it's about the CO; he's been acting all weird since last shore leave, and we were wondering if you knew why?" asked Buffer.

I knew exactly what was up with the CO but I wasn't going to tell anyone that, even if I did trust those two. "Sorry guys, I have no idea, but when I find something out I will tell you."

"Thanks X," Buffer and Swain smiled, and I turned around, back below deck.

Walking back to my cabin I tried not to run into Mike. I was almost there, and yet I still hadn't talked to him. My day was going well so far. I got to my cabin when I saw him walk down the hall. I rushed into the cabin and stood behind the door, hoping he wouldn't knock. I heard his footsteps stop outside my cabin and I could feel my heart race, but then I heard him walk away and my heart slowed down. Significantly.

I took two steps to the desk, sat down and opened my laptop. I read the email through twice more, until I heard the tossing and turning from the person on the top rack. After a few minutes Nikki awoke.

"Morning Kate," said a happy Nikki.

"Afternoon," I replied through a yawn.

"What?! Its only seven hundred hours, isn't it?" asked Nikki.

"No its twelve thirty hours and you're due on the bridge in fifteen minutes," I said half grinning.

At hearing this news Nikki jumped down from her rack and ran into their shared bathroom and got into the shower. While Nikki was running around like a mad woman, I went back to reading this email; I clicked reply and started writing.

_James McGregor,_

_This is Kate McGregor here, all those details you sent me add up to mine. My mother took me away from my father when I was nine and loving life and school. Can I ask you how you know this information?_

_Kate McGregor._

I clicked the send button at the top of the screen; I started thinking _Did I really just send that?_ After that I put my boots on and made my way to the bridge. Arriving in the bridge I sat down at the EOD and kept checking my watch to see how late Nikki would be.

"Where is the navigator?" asked the CO, his voice sounding angry.

"I don't know sir, she woke up..." I started to say just as Nikki ran in the door of the bridge.

"You're late," the CO stated.

"Sorry sir forgot to set my alarm," at this point Nikki was glaring at me, and I just grinned right back at her.

"Very well, plot the fastest course to home port Nav," said a very impatient CO.

"Yes Sir," The navigator said as she made her way to her graph. Everyone had started cheering, since they were on their way to home port.

"Quite!" The CO suddenly shouted, getting up out of his chair and stalked out of the Bridge into the comfort of his own cabin.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: As always this chapter is dedicated to Geraldine and Sarah, for all of their opinions and suggestions. Thanks to the both of them this actually got written! And also this chapter is dedicated to Fantasy, thank you so much for helping me with everything. Also, thanks to Sarah for the beta!

I am also putting a warning on this, as a few bits in this could offend people and for that I'm sorry.

~*~*~*

Arriving back at port; the sun was just setting and the boys had decided that since it was the eve of Josh Holiday's death we would all go to the pub for drinks; I knew that they didn't want to be alone on a night like this. Before anyone realised it, it was midnight and the pub was getting ready to close and Mike still hadn't shown up.

_Maybe he has other things on. _I thought.

Seeing as though the guys were drunk, Nikki, Bec and I had to put them all safely into their taxis. Putting Buffer into the taxi was hard. _Why couldn't he be like Swain_, who was easy; he was happy and wouldn't stop talking about Sally and calling me Sally! _Do I even look like her?! _I thought with amusement.

Buff on the other hand refused to move; he ignored every word that was said about going home. He tried to punch me; but I was quick to grab his musclier arms, knowing that I wouldn't be strong enough to hold him. _He saw the anger in my eyes didn't he?_ I thought to myself as he got in the taxi and was on his way home. Sighing I got into one also and travelled back to my flat, wanting some sleep before the long day ahead of me started.

Arriving home for the first time in months, I kicked off my shoes and padded down the hallway towards my bedroom. Lifting the purple tee over my head I threw it on the ground; it had been given to me by an ex-boyfriend and had so many memories fixed to it. Taking off my jeans, I got into my comfortable blue striped pyjamas and climbed into my comfy queen sized bed; it felt good to be home after such a long period of two weeks!

~*~*~

Logging onto my computer the next morning after breakfast, I found another email from James. Clicking on it to read, I took a deep breath. I wanted answers to questions that plagued me. Questions like; who was he? How was he related to me? And how did he know this information about me?!  
_Dear Kaitlin McGregor_

I would first like to thank you for replying to my message. I understand that you would probably have some questions for me. Let me answer some of the most basic ones and if you have any more please feel free to ask me.

First off let me tell you I how came to realise your existence. You see, my father used to tell my sisters and I stories about his life. It was a way to get my sisters and I to go to bed, when we were younger. Later, when we were older, he told us that we were old enough to know the complete truth about his life. Well, I won't bore you with the details so; I shall be brief Ms. McGregor.

He basically told us that we had another sibling, a step-sister to be precise. He didn't know much about her except that she was living in Australia with her mother. Your mother had actually upped and went one day leaving only a note on the kitchen table. It was a sad day, he always says to us. He did try and look for you but your mother wanted nothing to do with him. He never gave up but time soon passed and other things kept him busy. He's never forgotten you though.

Father is still alive and enjoying life. In case you haven't figured out he re-married and had four children. Three girls and myself. The girls are triplets, it runs in the family or so I'm told. They keep you on your toes like all siblings do.

Well, I hope that has answered some of your questions. If it hasn't please, email me.

Yours sincerely,

James McGregor.  
  
_P.S. I thought you might be curious to see what I and my family look like so I've attached a photo. I would really like to see yours but if you don't feel comfortable maybe later.  
_

I read the email twice so that I made sure I didn't miss anything. Halfway through reading it a third time, a soft knock echoed through my flat. Closing my computer I made my way towards the front door. Opening it I found Nikki standing there not looking herself.

"What's up?" I asked, inviting her in.

"You know that letter I read of yours? I shouldn't have read it but it bought back some memories," Nikki began.

"It's not your fault, I shouldn't have left it hanging around for prying eyes," I said walking into the lounge.

"Well the reason I came here was to help you by talking to you about my experience, I mean we're best friends and if best friends don't help each other out, who will?" Nikki began.

"Of course we are, wait a sec, your experience?" I asked after realising what she has actually said.

"Yeah, well," Nikki said slowly while finding something interesting on the floor. "I've never told anyone about this before and well, I didn't think I would until I read your letter. You see, I was eighteen when I found out I was, you know," she paused while tears were already starting to fall down her cheeks. "Pregnant."

"What?!" I almost yelled out in surprise. "I guess everyone does have their own secrets then."

"I told you know one has heard about this," Nikki glared at me for a moment making sure that piece of information was taken in.

"Well, shall I continue?"

I nodded telling her to go on.

"My dream was to go to ADFA and join the navy. I was five months pregnant when I got my results that let me know if I could get into the Academy," by this time, she had more tears in her eyes and more going down her cheeks.

"Nikki," I was stunned.

I got up and went to sit next to her, wrapping my arms around her. Nikki rested her head on my shoulder, her eyes closed.

"I thought everything was fine. That was until the nurse, I think her name was Penelope, well she said _'this isn't normal' _as she was looking at the screen. It was her first month at using this machine so she had to call someone else in; no one knew what it was so they brought another person in. Still no one knew, and I was getting quite frustrated with them, they were supposed to be nurses and know these things!" Nikki said becoming quite angry but still stayed in my embrace.

"Oh Niks," I said with tears almost welling in my eyes.

"None of them had ever seen anything like this so they had to get their books out and started asking me weird questions," the tears were falling more rapidly now.

I gasped, I was speechless. I was trying to calm her down while stroking her hair. I felt like her older sister.

"That's when they told me I had had a _'missed miscarriage'_ which means I had no symptoms leading up to it. Getting home I jumped out of the car and checked the mail box, I had gotten into ADFA, I was too afraid to face my parents about the pregnancy and that I'd miscarried, so I just ran away and joined the Navy, and well, I haven't been back since," Nikki finished, looking a little bit happy that she had talked to someone about it.

"Oh my..." I started to say but I was interrupted.

"You don't have to say anything," Nikki said cutting across me.

"Nikki, how could I not say anything?! You! You ran away from home because you were afraid? Your parents would have been supportive, trust me, from what I hear about all your other stories you have told, your parents sound decent enough and actually loved you! Unlike mine," I said rolling my eyes at the end.

"Well at the time it seemed like an excellent idea! Remember I was only eighteen!" Nikki began to raise her voice, but lowered it again.

"Ok, I will tell you mine, even though you have probably guessed what has happened," I said trying to make humour; I failed like normal.

"As if it would be hard not to know," Nikki grinned.

"I was at ADFA and being my last year, I opened up a little, but it was too much and I began to fall for one of my instructors, the CO!" I began, I wanted to try and make it short.

Nikki began to giggle at the last two words. "I still can't believe it, you and the CO?" She couldn't keep it in anymore, it just came out. _At least I made her laugh._

"Having hit it off pretty well we started going out and one thing led to another and we had taken it too far, I was basically living at his house, and then one morning; the one I had stayed at the dorms for, I woke up to see a note slid under my door," It was now my turn to have tears down my cheeks, and Nikki comforting me.

"Katie, how could he do that, and is that what all the tension was about on the first day you came aboard Hammersley?!" asked Nikki becoming more curious.

"Yeah, that's why, and well after you read the letter, if you put two and two together you will get the answer," I grinned.

After sitting in the quiet for a little while, Nikki thought she'd better go; she had a date with her fiancée at his grave.

~*~*~*~

Nikki had just left and I was all alone in my small home. Wanting to get everything out of my head I went for a run.

Stepping out into the coldness of the day I just ran like there was no tomorrow. Running two kilometres I was starting to slow down until it had become a fast walk. Entering the main park in Cains, I walked through it briskly. Every way I turned there was a child or a toddler there looking at me as if I was a ghost! I started to shake, I started to run again. Finally, finding a spare seat on the esplanade, I just sat and watched the waves making their way up the beach and then back down into the sea. There was an amazing view from here, but I didn't stay there long as I saw an approaching figure that I knew quite well, it was Mike. Getting up I turned around so that I could make my way home. That way, I didn't have to see him.

~*~*~*~

Arriving home, I had just gotten into my warm grey track pants and my black converse jumper when I heard a thumping knock echo through my small flat. Finding Mike standing on the front porch I invited him in.

"We need to talk," I began.

"Yes we do," he said. He was calm, calmer than me anyway.

"Fine, I'll start, why'd you leave? We could've had a family Mike; do you even know what that means? A family! But no you had to ruin everything by running away! We have been on the same ship for four years now! Why haven't you brought it up? Or did you just want me to haunt myself with it?!" I yelled at him, I could see him cringe by my voice getting louder.

"Kate, I can't answer all those questions, and yes I know what a family means!" He began to raise his voice.

It was my turn to cringe but that didn't stop me from yelling back. "NO! Mike, I know what it is now, you never loved me! And it was the easiest way to get rid of me wasn't it?! I'm not stupid Mike," tears were starting to fill my eyes.

"Kate I do love you though." he said softly.

"No you don't Mike, don't lie! Get out of my house; I don't even want you near me! Oh and by the way to make you even happier I have asked to be transferred to a frigate in Melbourne, so I won't have to be anywhere near you! Now OUT!" I yelled.

He walked out of my house and closed the door softly behind him, I couldn't believe I'd just yelled at him like that. I stood there for a few seconds before I slid down the wall and onto the cold floor, I started crying softly before it became bigger sobs. My sobs were so loud I didn't even hear my phone ring.

~*~*~*

I got my information for the info on the miscarriage from, ./public_insurance_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: After much annoyance of being blackmailed (yes you know who you are) I decided to start writing the next chapter. Although one person kept telling me to write, day or night...even at the stupidest hours of the night/morning ;D I then got inspiration (during science and after finishing my maths test) and help from four wonderful people; Mel, Gee, Kirst and Kirsten ;D**

**Thanks to Mel for the Beta. And this chapter is for Mel, Gee, Kirst and Kirsten. Hope you all enjoy :) **

~*~*~*~*~*~

_Thursday 23rd June 2011_____

_This is Kate McGregor, sorry I'm not in to answer your call but, if you could please leave a message after the beep. I'll get back to you as soon as I can._

_**Beep**_

_Kate, it's Commander Marshall; there's a position that has come up and I thought of you for the position. I'd like to see you at 1300 to discuss it. Bye._

_Friday 24__th__ June 2011 – 13:00 hours_

Stepping into Commander Marshall's office, I knew that today was my last day on Hammersley. Some part of me was glad to be leaving that ship; or it could just be the fact that I wouldn't have to see Mike Flynn anymore.

Sitting down on the seat opposite his desk, he began to talk.

"Kate, can I ask why you want this transfer? Please don't tell me you're fraternising with your fellow ship mates," The Commander asked.

"**No Sir," was my reply.**

"**Explain Lieutenant." His voice was short.**

"**Well Sir, I'm better than that. You know me, I would never fraternise with my fellow colleagues. I just thought it was time to move on sir, you know climb another rung on the ladder."**

**Marshall nodded. "**I understand Lieutenant. Anyway as you've requested, I have found you a position on HMAS Melbourne, the XO there is wanting to rise the ranks. And for you to be the executive officer I am now promoting you to a Lieutenant Commander."

**I blinked in surprise. "**Thank-you sir. When will I be starting on HMAS Melbourne?"

"You will be starting on July 14th."

T_hat was only three weeks away _I thought. I snapped back to the present to hear what the Commander was saying.

"…I hope you do come back to HMAS Cairns because I do know that you will be missed by all who serves here."

I blinked again then replied. "Thank-you sir. Um Sir? How long will Hammersley is on shore leave for?"

"Hammersley's shore leave is for a week and during that time I need to find a new XO for her. Anyway that's none of your concern Lieutenant." His eyes twinkled at me. "Congratulations Kate. Oh, are there any final questions?"

"No Sir."

"Then you are dismissed."

I saluted and then left Marshall's office. Walking out of HQ I headed down the road to my house. I smiled, I was finally free, free of Hammersley and free of _her _captain.

_All I have to do now is to tell all of the crew that I am no longer their XO. Merely only an officer to them now_, I thought_._

_Wednesday 14__th__ July 2011 (3 Weeks Later…)_

It was my first day as the executive officer of HMAS Melbourne and I couldn't help but stare at my new uniform. My uniform now sported my new badge; which now had 'LCMD McGregor HMAS Melbourne' written on it. I also had new SRI's which means I now had two large stripes with a small one in the middle. They were given to me yesterday after HQ had received them in the post from Canberra.

Walking onto HMAS Melbourne I was greeted at the gang plank by her Captain. Commander Norris stood there, saluting at both the mascot and my new captain as I walked onto the ship.

"Ma'am," I said acknowledging her.

"Lieutenant Commander McGregor, it's nice to finally meet you, I've heard a lot about you from our chef; Toby Jones," Commander Norris stated**.**

**~*~*~*~*~**

Leaving port on an Adelaide Class Frigate was very different to leaving on a patrol boat. Like Nikki once said "Like a V8 and a school bus." We were heading on a five month voyage to the Samaru Islands. They needed Australia's help to clean up all the mess from the coup. two frigates and a patrol boat were required for this task. One of the frigates was already there helping, while the patrol boat would be there in a couple of weeks, like us.

~*~*~*~*

Over the next two weeks I slowly adjusted back into the routine of being on a frigate. I noticed many differences from a patrol boat to a frigate. One difference was having to dress in S3's for dinner when on a patrol boat I used to wear overalls and camos.

Finally arriving at the Samaru Islands, we got to work. I wondered which patrol boat was coming to help us out but none of the other Sailors knew. We wouldn't know until it got here which was supposed to be afternoon.

A team of us, which was led by me, consisted of five people from HMAS Melbourne and five from the HMAS Anzac started to re-build the medical centre. We were just lucky enough that one of HMAS Anzac's sailors had been a builder before joining the navy.** One of the builder's name was Seaman Scott Nicholas. He was a nice guy and knew what he was doing but the way he… reminded me of someone, I just couldn't put my finger on it.**

By the time the afternoon came around we had just put the wood in place for the walls when we were told that the patrol boat had arrived;

"Half an hour late." I murmured to myself as I looked to see which patrol boat it was.

_Hammersley_

As soon as I saw the name of it I was ready to turn around and walk away.

I didn't want to see him. Not now. Not ever. Unfortunately, I had to show some leadership so I stayed where I was.

"Lieutenant Commander Flynn," I said acknowledging him formally.

"Lieutenant McGregor..." he started to say.

My eyes flashed as I interrupted him. "It's Lieutenant Commander McGregor."

"Congratulations on the promotion Kate," he said quietly while looking into my eyes.

I **flinched** when he said 'Kate'. Before I could say anymore a voice from behind me enters the conversation.

"You took your time getting here Flynn," said an irritated Captain Stuart Mayer.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Since Gee has updated all of her fics, it is now time for me to update this one. Thanks to everyone who helped with this chapter, you know who you are; thanks :)

Thanks to Mel and Sarah for the betas, it was much appreciated.

This is for you Gee, Happy Belated Birthday ;D

**Friday 29th July, 2011**

The first and second in Command of all three ships boarded HMAS Melbourne to meet about the current situation. Scran was included. All I could think about was the times I had shared with the Hammersley and her crew.

The mealtime set up was by rank so naturally I was placed next to Lieutenant Commander Flynn. Throughout the meal people stared at me, due to the fact that I was ignoring my dinner partner. From their faces they couldn't understand why I was doing this. I just wasn't ready to face him, soon maybe, but not now.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
**Saturday 30****th**** July, 2011**

Last night we had all decided on splitting everyone into groups; with me in charge of one of them. The Southernmost point of the island was our destination. When we arrived, the sun was midway in the blue sky, meaning that it was about ten o'clock in the morning.

Lieutenant Commander Flynn had walked the whole way in silence, and when I was giving orders to the rest of the team he stood to one side restlessly. From the looks I'd been getting the whole morning I could tell he wasn't too pleased with the chain of command. Unfortunately or fortunately it wasn't my choice nor would I change it if I could.

Our task today, was to help move fallen trees or help gather belongings for the locals. When most of my team had moved off I walked over to Lieutenant Commander Flynn to give him his orders. I gave him a choice because he would know where he would be more useful, he could either help re-build or help carry some of the heavy crates with some of the other sailors.

"I need to know what you're going to be doing so that I can account for everyone's whereabouts. What have you decided?" I glanced up from my clipboard to look Lieutenant Commander Flynn in the eye.

His eyes met mine. "Don't you trust me, Lieutenant Commander McGregor?" his voice deadly quiet.

My eyes fell to my clipboard. "What do you think? Mike?" My eyebrows raised in sarcasm.

"Fine!" Lieutenant Commander Flynn turned abruptly and walked away.

"Flynn! Flynn! Where do you think you're going? You haven't told me what you are doing!" I yelled running to catch up with him.

He stopped a few paces ahead of me. "Just let me do my job and you do yours."

My hands flew out in annoyance. "Geez it's no wonder we didn't last. You always had to have your own way!" my voice started to rise as my anger got the better of me. "I mean you were the one to leave me. What was it? I was too young?" I paused then asked something that had bothered me those long five years. "Did you even love me? Or was that all show?"

Flynn's eyes widened in surprise. "Of course I did, how could you ever think I didn't? I told you every night, I wasn't bluffing, you knew I meant it!" his voice started to rise in retaliation to mine.

"Well how about the fact..." I was interrupted by a voice from behind us.

"You two here now!" said someone that I guessed had high authority.

"Sir," they both said in unison, while turning around.

"I have been told by some of these sailors that they are sick of hearing you two have World War Three! From what I hear I am sick of it too. Now if you two don't get your act together you'll both be off this mission and will be flown back to base and hear what Commander Marshall has to say about this. Am I clear?!" asked a very pissed off Captain Mayer.

"Yes Sir, you are very clear, misunderstanding that's all," I said through gritted teeth while trying to force a smile to my face.

"Sir, you are right, we both shouldn't be on this mission together, and we should be taken back to have a talk about it," replied Mike, much to my disgust.

"Lieutenant Commander McGregor is this true what he is saying?" asked an intrigued Captain Mayer.

"No Sir, this is not true, I would like to get back to work so we can help these people."

"Lieutenant Commander Flynn, I would enjoy your presence back on HMAS Anzac," stated the Captain.

"Yes sir," replied the Mike.

"Lieutenant Commander McGregor you may carry on with your work now."

"Aye sir," I replied with a salute.

The sun was setting as I arrived back at the dock after a hard day's work of helping these Samaruan families gather their belongings or by moving fallen trees. Heading towards HMAS Melbourne I was stopped by Captain Mayer.

"Lieutenant Commander McGregor I'd like to have a word with you, in my cabin."

I nodded. "Sir."

~*~*~*~*~

It was an unusual chat, he kept asking me how I felt about a lot of my team members so it didn't look too suspicious that he wanted to ask me about a certain Lieutenant Commander.

Walking back to HMAS Melbourne felt like an eternity, as I was trying to avoid running into Mike. As I finally opened the door to my cabin, went over to my rack and just fell onto it. What happened next I had no clue; I'd passed out.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Walking into the senior sailors mess for breakfast the next morning, I saw the Captain at the head of the table with Commander Norris and all of the other officers off Melbourne, sitting there waiting for everyone to sit so that breakfast could be served.

After breakfast, my team had the unlucky task of being on watch.

I had the sinking feeling that something was bound to go wrong and I knew the reason for that. Pausing to put a spoonful of cereal in mouth I realised something; why was it that when something went wrong I always blamed _him_?


End file.
